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I’ll Be Obese in 17 Days!

On my honeymoon I was in heaven.

Buffet breakfasts every morning.

Beer and cocktails all day…

A different themed buffet every night.

Being the ULTIMATE cheapskate I ensured I got my moneys worth (and made up for my wife’s piss poor efforts)

After a 10 night stay I had put on 7kg and 2 inches on my waist

I did the math and if I kept it up at this pace I would’ve been classified as obese in just 17 more days (going off waist measurements)

Funny thing is this wasn’t a one off occurrence.

This happens every xmas when 2 days turn in to a 3 week pig out, eating anything and everything in sight all day long.

Am I really meant to throw out all that ham and trifle????

A few times during the year it’ll happen to a smaller degree where I fall off the rails.


So if I can do it for god’s sake I KNOW you can.


Now I know you might be rolling your eyes at that over used expression

But here is the thing.

In my case it is 100% true.

You should rest at ease knowing that I am a real head case…

  • I am an emotional eater who binges when he gets stressed. Real manly I know!
  • I have a ridiculous appetite. One I enjoy showing off. For instance when we go out I’ll usually get the biggest steak or burger on the menu, clean up the wife and kids leftovers, have dessert only to be goi g through the fridge the second we get home. NO EXAGGERATION!
  • I am sure I would have some type of binge eating disorder. I regularly (by that I mean weekly) find myself eating in uncontrollable 3,000+ calorie binges and still rummaging through the cupboards afterward. My stomach will be so full and bloated it will start to hurt and I will still be cramming in more biscuits. I literally feel like I’m under a spell and cannot stop.
  • Unlike douchebag personal trainers OBSESSED with fitness, I’m not a sadist who enjoys doing burpees until I pass out. The only “exercise” I do is stuff I enjoy. Playing with the kids, riding my bike and strength training. I’m limited to how much I can do to arthritis and injuries.
  • My willpower is pathetic. I dieted obsessively for over 8 years after high school only to look the same. Reason being I could never string more than 3 good days together before pigging out. (If I couldn’t eat whatever I wanted god knows how big I would be now!)
  • Unlike most overweight/obese people who put weight on consistently over years, I gain it super fast putting on as much as 5kg in 2 weeks.
  • And I have always been “bulky”, have uncles in excess of 140kg (So you cant say I just have good genetics)

And thats why I BELIEVE I AM Qualified to help you.

It took someone as weird as me, to struggle for so long, not give up and through trial and error (and chronic overthinking) to figure it out.

Once I discovered it doesn’t matter WHAT you eat but HOW MUCH you eat I got a six pack and kept most of it off for 9 years now.

And now at 35, I am approaching the best shape of my life. Main reason being that I have managed to minimize my bingeing by….

… Aiming to stay under my maintenance calories everyday which is about 3,000 calories (Instead of setting myself up to fail and trying to eat 2,000 calories a day)

… Eat whatever I want to all but eliminate cravings

… Eat very little during the day, saving most of my calories at night to satisfy my urges to eat BIG

… Strength train 2-3 x week doing as little as possible to elicit strength gains. The less I do, the easier it is to recover from and the less chance I have of screwing up consistency through sickness, injuries or losing interest.

… I simply move more through “play”. No scheduled fat burning work as it only makes me exhausted and hungrier. I know if I eat less than my maintenance I will be losing fat. By moving more it is just a bonus.

See what I mean?

If I can do it I really believe anyone can.

Most people I talk to aren’t out of control binge eaters. They just a little careless with their eating. All they need is to become more calorie “conscious” and drop a few hundred calories a day from what they are currently eating.

For most its as simple as tightening up a few things here and there, maybe drop the soft drink or that extra snack and they are good to go.

So please…

Take it easy!

Don’t bother counting macros, eating 6 small meals a day, nothing but chicken and broccoli, training 5-6 times a week or flogging yourself to the verge of vomiting to get back in shape.

It’s EXTREME and simply not necessary.

Eat less, count calories but eat what you want, and move more.

That’s all you need right there.

Don’t make it any harder than it needs to be.

As always, thanks for reading.

Luke Johnstone

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